I sat in my stylist’s chair taking in a few deep breaths. It’d been a stressful several weeks and I was finally able to get some “me” time squeezed in on a random Thursday. I wanted to do something fun with my hair and originally thought of putting in some pink, as I had just before I got to college. But, as fate would have it, my stylist had just run out of pink, but mentioned she bought green and blue just that morning.

“blue” I thought to myself. and my mind immediately raced back to a conversation I had with my husband that week. Max had just texted high risk for Autism. We were scared, we cried, and I ended the pillow side conversation with, we have to fight for him so we get a diagnosis, and find out how to help him til we’re blue in the face, because he can’t do it right now.

Blue. That’s it. To prove to myself that I could and would be strong for my boy (because I really wasn’t sure I could be) I told my stylist to tint my hair blue.

“You sure?” she asked

“Yes!” I sighed.

I’ve gotten all kinds of compliments, weird looks, smiles, scoffs, and everything else in between. But none of it matters. Because my blue tresses are a reminder to myself that I still have to fight for my boy. We are still awaiting a formal diagnosis from pediatricians, but his speech development has improved, his OT sessions are making him more comfortable in his body, and his Early Childhood intervention therapist is helping him learn how to live and play with his friends, classmates, teachers, and siblings.

We understand him more now, and he understand us a bit more too. He’s smiled more than I’ve seen him smile, he’s hugged me more, and just this week he said “bag”…he’s never said that before! We’ve cried, we’ve cuddled (he likes strong grips, so I’ve learned), and grown so much.

I noticed he was different since he was only a few months old. That mother’s instinct just hit hard, and hasn’t let go. Blue hair or not, I’m always going to fight for my kids. Some fights will be harder, longer, and ever changing, but I’ll do whatever it takes.

Today is Autism Awareness Day, and all month long you can celebrate Autism Awareness.